The Thing
by LeMoNsOuR
Summary: The boys find a mystery object in the desert and they argue over what it is. None of this would have happened if one of them had at least half a brain.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even the characters. Not even the Thing. So you can'tsue! Ha! Ha hahahahahahahaha!**

**Die**

**-Pop-**

**Die**

**I was bored.**

* * *

"What is it?" asked Squid stupidly, peering at it so close he almost tipped over and fell. (If only) 

"It's a rock."

"It's a stump."

"It's... a bomb."

"I think it's fossilized poo of a dino-giraffe."

Everyone looked at Zigzag with one eyebrow raised and a grimace of pity.

Zigzag only shrugged. "What other kind of animal makes a crap the same shape as that?"

"Zig, no giraffe can make a shit that shape." X-Ray stated.

"Then it has to be an elephant."

The boys sat around one of the holes that Zero had been digging. Just before Zero dug up the last few inches, his shovel ran into a rectangular, solid... _thing_.

He dug out the "thing" and laid it in front of him. That was when X- Ray noticed Zero had stopped digging and was staring at something at his feet.

"Whatcha got there, Zero Brain?"

That was when it all started.

They all pulled Zero carelessly out of the hole and have spent the last two hours gawking at the fossil-rock-bomb thing.

-

"I think we should keep it in case we get hungry." Squid said, nodding.

Suddenly they heard a noise from behind them, an awkward shuffling of footsteps.

"Hey, guys. What are y'all doing?" asked Barfbag, who had come back from camp where he was force-fed PeptoBismol pills. There were frightened looks candidly showing on the boys' faces as Barfbag shuffled over.

Barfbag looked into the large, five-foot hole and whistled one long, irritating note that tumbled over each and every ear like a stampede of annoyingm singing boulders.

"Wow. That's one hell of a dead baby bunny," he gasped.

Magnet elbowed Armpit's ribs.

"See. I _told_ you it was a dead animal!" he sneered, and began to sob,

"WHY? Why would God kill such an innocent creature?"

Magnet broke down crying and fled from the scene.

_This is gonna take a while... _Zero got up and began digging someone else's hole out of boredom.

_La la la la la la..._

"You know, it might be, like, a human body part." Zigzag stated.

"What kind of liver is as big as a TV?" X-Ray asked, incredulous that Zigzag would think such a stupid thought.  
"It's a bomb, stupid!." X-Ray said.

"No no. I agree with Zig. It might be, like, a giant BRAIN!" Armpit made disgusting "brain" noises and began laughing so hard he got dizzy and knocked over Barfbag.

Barfbag blinked, hacked and threw up everywhere. Ashamed, he ran away.

"Who do you think would have a brain that big?" asked Zigzag.

Armpit shrugged. "Einstein of course... haha, doofus."

A gigantic light bulb appeared over Squid's solid head and crashed onto the top of his skull.

"_I_ KNOW!" he exclaimed so loudly that X-Ray, Armpit, and Zigzag almost fell into the hole.

"It's a box!" he said excitedly.

The boys peered at the thing more closely.

"Well so it is!" X-Ray laughed like an idiot.

"IT'S A BRAIN!" Armpit said, annoyed.

"It's a box."

"A BRAIN!"

"A BOX!"

"You two are idiots." Armpit said.

Squid scowled. "Well... you're _fat_! Ha ha!"

Armpit stared for the longest time. His eyes slowly became very teary and suddenly he burst into tears.

X-Ray came over, giving Armpit a hug and glaring at Squid like he'd thrown a rock at a baby.

"He... he called me fat!" Armpit said between sobs.

X-Ray spat at Squid (who was now just sitting stupidly and silently) and barked like a dog.

"IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE BLACK, ISN'T IT?""

They both stood up and each headed to finish digging their holes, but they realized that someone had dug them up already. Everyone had already left. They shrugged, picked up their shovels, and headed back to camp.

Squid turned to face Zigzag in search for consolidation. He only got a cold stare.

"You racist!" Zigzag suddenly exploded.

Squid blinked.

Zigzag stood up, dusted his jumper off, and walked towards camp.

For one last time, he turned around, and spat, ""I'm not sharing my graham crackers with you tomorrow, Racist!" and he stormed off.

Squid was now all alone.

Squid frowned, and looked one more time at the "thing" in Zero's hole.

"You have brought a curse upon us, fossilized brain-thing." he said grimly.

Squid jumped into the hole and tried to pick up the "thing". It was heavy.

It, in fact, _did _look like a box. It was wooden, and there was what seemed to be a rusty lock keeping the box securely closed. It seemed to be very, very old.

Squid hd enough strength to shake it a bit. Small metal jingles could be heard from inside it.

At the top of the "thing", he could barely read the words _Stanley Yelnats _engraved upon a rusty metal plate.

Squid put the thing down, took a toothpick out of his pocket, and began chewing on it.

"You deserve to die," he said to the Thing.

Squid jumped out of the hole, looked around, and realized he was the only one left.

He picked up his shovel and began reburying the "thing" making sure it was covered and back in its rightful place.

"What a useless piece of junk." he said, throwing in the last pile of dirt before picking up his water bottle and heading back to camp.


End file.
